He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
