i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
