Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
