Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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