If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
