Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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