I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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