The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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