The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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