i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize