She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
