My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
