ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize