You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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