ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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