just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
