First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
