Someone shit on the floor
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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