Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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