I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
