well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Houston, we have a blender
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
