I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
