SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
