just tell him i said nine months
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
