For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize