Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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