cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
