dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
