Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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