just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
