Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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