low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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