Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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