Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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