im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
