Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
