coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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