I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
