i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
