Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize