Me. At least after what I've been through.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
