I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
