She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you had me at cake vodka
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
