...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
