I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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