Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
