You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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