Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
