I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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