I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
