You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
