Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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