Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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