is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
