So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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