Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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