walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
