About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My feet surprised me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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