If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
