Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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