I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
