I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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