Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
