so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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