In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
