Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Vodka?
Forever.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
