Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
