she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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