so that wasnt chicken after all
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
