I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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