they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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