Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
