3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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