Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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