I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
