You don't have asthma, your pregnant
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
