And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have aggressive nipples.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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