Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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