if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have fence marks all over my body
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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