If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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