she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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