thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
