don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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