There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
