I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
