Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
