U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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