That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
