Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
