meet me or not, i'm out of control
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
