Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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