I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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