another moral hangover. fuck.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
