You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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