Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
