Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
