You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
