All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
