census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
